Here’s a few things you out to know if you wanna try to stay on my good side all my life….
Haha I love the song Dear Future Husband. So catchy! Anyway. Let’s so talk about ex’s for a minute. When you are the one who decides your marriage is over, there is a sense of empowerment. I’ve made the best decision for my child and I. It was tough to lose my home and have to move back with my parent’s but we are settling in to our new normal.
I think about meeting someone else some day. I have daydreams I met some great guy who sweeps me off my feet and loves me for me and cares for my daughter and I with the love and respect we deserve. And I for once in my life, I honestly think that will happen. And even if it doesn’t, I’m not scared of the future. I know what I want and I will make it happen.
I saw an old flame at the bar the other night. One of those “oh he hates me but I’m so in love with him, I’ll change his mind”. Of course I never did and I met my husband through him and basically that was that. I thought if I ever ran into him I would panic. I knew he never would have the guts to approach me. It was more fun to see him just so I could laugh at my former self. I give myself a break. I was 23. I made dumb mistakes. I’m 32 now and a mother. I’m a grown woman. Again I felt empowered.
The very next day I learned my soon to be ex husband who I have been separated from for about 3 months has been seeing his ex wife. Ooookkk. Strange. But not for the reason people might think. First, yes once the initial shock wore off I do feel it’s sort of soon to jump back into a relationship, ex or not, it’s like he mourned me for a week and was done. But hey ok. I get it. These things happen. I have no interested in getting back with him so why should I care..but then it hits me. I don’t have that luxury anymore. I have to care about who he dates. Because she could potentially be around my child.
Also there is another more embarrassing side to the story. My husband was my first real boyfriend. Therefore this is my first real breakup. I’m curious about the strangest things. How often do they see each other? How serious is it? Do my cats like her? Will they re-marry? Will they have kids? And many more bizarre random things.
So I guess when I tell people I truly don’t care , that can’t be entirely true. I care. Just not for the same reason my old 23 year old self would have. It’s not jealousy. It’s not wanting him back. It’s much deeper then that. And right now I just need to wrap my head around all this.